-Don't teach the message, BE the message.

A YEAR! Mom, I don't even want to talk about this dilemma. Okay, I do a little bit. A year ago I was about to leave! I was such a little noob! I didn't know the Book of Mormon, I read it every day, but didn't REALLY know it. I didn't know Preach My Gospel, I didn't know Jesus Christ like a real person, I didn't know real repentance or how to really apply the Atonement. I don't even think I really understood that the Gospel of Jesus Christ (faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end) was a thing. I'm so grateful I'm here. For a long time, I just was serving because God told me to, But now I'm just completely overwhelmed thinking how blessed I am, how unworthy I feel to have received a call to serve as His full-time servant in Mesa, Az (WHICH! Btw, is the most perfect place to serve!!!! I know every missionary think they served in the best place in the world- but GUESS WHAT!! APOSTOLIC BACKUP HERE! Elder Russell M Nelson came to Mesa Arizona, and literally said "There is no other perfect set up for doing missionary work than this area!" Because the church is so strong and respected, yet members are still the minority. He also said we have the best mission president and we should really follow his example!....but I'll tell you more about my Apostle encounter after I complete my vent of how long I've been out.) It's funny how your brain changes. A sister told us here friend was 12 weeks along, and I was like "oh, that's great! how'd she like her first two transfers as a missionary?" No, she was just pregnant. I see young women's knees and assume they're disobediently revealing their bodies like streetwalkers, and then realize 1-don't judge and 2-that's not appropriateness. Sometimes I forget my first name. And "your mom" turned into a curse word. Anyway, I love being a missionary. It's hard. It never goes according to plan, everyone cancels, people have lives (that's the most annoying part), you run our of miles, you forget your plans, your member talks for a straight 20 minutes about how we're about to teach the investigator the 6 discussions -.- .....(we teach 5 lessons...from PREACH MY GOSPEL-READ IT) and why the Catholic church has gay priests (.....again, please read Preach My Gospel) after we've already taught half of the lesson, you get lost, your investigators don't keep commitments and repent, people have false addresses and phone numbers. But it's okay(: Because the Lord doesn't fail you. He sends His Spirit to you for being obedient and diligent, and you feel peace, charity, and hope, and encouragement in a way you didn't know you could feel. You get new friends, you learn how to accept Christ's Atonement in any moment so your life doesn't have to suck. Seriously, the biggest thing I've learned is that if your life stinks...use the Atonement! it fixes everything. Being a member of Christ's true church gives you the chance to learn how to overcome EVERYTHING and take the word "can't" out of your vocabulary. if it doesn't happen immediately, you at least know it will as you keep working at it, because Christ already took that trial, hardship, heartbreak, sadness, illness, or sin away. And He told you how to give it to Him. Just keep trying to, praying harder, study it more efficiently and be patient! Have some faith, repent (change), be baptized (or worthily partake of the sacrament) and accept the Holy Ghost by softening your heart and acting on His prompting (even if you're not positive it's Him....it won't go wrong. Unless it does, then oh well, the Atonement makes it whole and even better because you were doing it in the name of Christ.) 

............................................anyway. I love having the Gospel. I love how when you share the Gospel you learn it. Being a missionary is what has completely saved me. I love it.

You get miracles too! We finally have investigators! The McDs!!<3 (Because I finally asked God for someone ready to accept the Gospel that we could teach.) They literally moved into the area expecting to start going to church with their friends, and accept us into their home last week! We helped them move in and and have talked a lot. We taught them their first lesson!! THEY"RE PERFECT! I sat there like...are we on candid camera? i think these people are already members of the church.... Lol i shared my testimony of the Book of Mormon, and Bro McD asked how I really knew, not confrontational, but honestly seeking to know himself. We read Moroni's promise and asked them to read the introduction on their own. They said, "sure...we don't know if we'll be able to stop there, but we can do that." SQUEE! They came and stayed all three hours and LOVED all of it! They make us so happy!! We've had some other appointments we were so excited about with potentials and less actives, but they fell through. We've had LOTS of service! YAY! My favorite part.

And...wait for it............................I SHOOK HANDS WITH RUSSELL M NELSON! Surprisingly enough, he looks exactly like he does on tv. He's cute! He's HILARIOUS! Unfortunately the Spirit constrained me from having a fellow missionary take my picture as I officially met him. But it was so good! I got this overwhelming witness that this is a man who KNOWS Christ. It made Jesus seem like more of a real person. My heart just sang! He and his councillors of the 70 talked to us (the Mesa and Scottsdale Az missions) for a while. I'll share his most memorable teaching and words of advice.

-Waste not a minute! You're here to work. You're a ward-builder.

-LOVE your companion. It's the most important fundamental of doing effective missionary work. People can tell if you love each other or not.

-Don't teach the message, BE the message.

-"I know that as missionaries, we aren't supposed to talk about marriage...but let's talk about it for a minute!"

-"Sisters, when prince charming comes along, bends down, and asks 'will you be mine?' ...........................................................................SAY NO. ....Until he proves to you that he is worthy. That he loves God more than he loves you." (I thought of my wonderful parents when he said that) 

-"When people ask what my favorite scripture is, I always have the same answer. It changes. I don't have a favorite scripture any more than I have a favorite child."

-Let people see the vision of what they can become!

-Be best friends with your family history consultant.

and much much more, I could talk for days! But that best part was that he left us with a blessing. I'll be safe and obedient, and have desires to feast of the word with a yearning to teach, and when I return home, I'll continue to be a good missionary. Other stuff too, but that's the best. And it's crazy how immediate some of the blessings have come to pass 2 days. I love the lord, and I want to teach everyone so bad! God didn't let me come to Earth until now because I needed to be able to gather His nations! My spirit loves God so much and I'm gunna tell everyfreakinbody!

 I sent this to Rachel with the heading:Thought you might like this since you are a little shy

It is impossible for us to fail when we do our best when we are on the Lord’s errand. While the outcome is a result of the exercise of one’s agency, sharing the gospel is our responsibility.
Trust the Lord. He is the Good Shepherd. He knows His sheep, and His sheep know His voice; and today the voice of the Good Shepherd is your voice and my voice. And if we are not engaged, many who would hear the message of the Restoration will be passed by. Simply stated, it’s a matter of faith and action on our part. The principles are pretty simple—pray, personally and in your family, for missionary opportunities. The Lord has said in the Doctrine and Covenants that many people have been kept from the truth only “because they know not where to find it” (D&C 123:12).
You don’t have to be an outgoing person or an eloquent, persuasive teacher. If you have an abiding love and hope within you, the Lord has promised if you “lift up your voices unto this people [and] speak the thoughts that [He] shall put into your hearts, … you shall not be confounded before men;
“[And] it shall be given you … in the very moment, what ye shall say” (D&C 100:5–6).

SHE RESPONDED:
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! This is so sweet :D

I needed it. Once upon a time though, I told my companion the title of the email and she completely bursts out laughing. I can't wait to come home and show you how much I've changed. Just in relief society actually, they asked how faith/Atonement or something has helped us overcome trails, and I raised my hand and shared that through the Atonement, on my mission I've literally turned everything over to God and he gave me back a fearlessness in talking to people. I talk to random people outside like they're my best friend (not perfectly or all the time, but often) and I am best friends with at least 30 people in each ward. In fact, this is mostly helpful because I've been creating such a bad habit of talking so much that I'm forgetting to rely on the Spirit to fill my mouth. So I've been feeling discouraged that I'm not persuasive or eloquent, but I'm happy to know that if I focus of the Lord just a little more, then my words will be more meaningful and will convince people of God and His plan of salvation. I'll be able to invite them to repent. Like I have. I love repentance! I love the word of God, which tells us about repenting and of the Atonement and how when you repent, you give yourself access to the Lord's Atonement- the reason He came to the Earth and taught us, and in doing so you fulfill the entire plan of yours and others' salvation! GAH! WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE KNOW? WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE WHO DOES KNOW NOT TELL EVERYONE! Everyone's spirits are longing to remember!! 

......anyway. This is what happens when you go on a mission for ......a year